A reflection of the heart A lie told by the mirror A joke made by a riddler A poem written by a martyr
Ever had that feeling when you wake up and you know it's gonna be one of those days again... nothing ever seems to go right the minute you open your eyes. The sun is too bright, the birds are not singing your favorite tune and your head is in a mess with all the stupid thoughts running through your mind causing you to slip back down the train of depression...
Sometimes I wonder if being sensitive is actually a good thing. For one, you actually takes the smallest words and twist them up into completely different words and you take their meaning in the worse way possible, scanning all the possibilities and in the end take whatever words thrown to you as either an insult or getting left out or whatever that drags you down.
It's one of those days again where I start to think about my place and where I stand. It's really depressing to think about these things, but if I don't think about it... I get worse and try to hide everything inside till the next time I explode and all those past feelings come rushing back and attack me where it hurts.
I guess I'll just have to live with it... for now...
The blood that runs deep I'll cut in deep and set you free Flow down my skin and let it pour Wash away this unending sore...
Ever had the feeling when you loved someone so much and you thought that person would return it back... but in the end... all she ever did was crush you beneath her feet and chuck you aside like you meant nothing to her... let me begin this story with a few simple words...
A tune for the soul... A song for you... Play a Melody that warms the world..
Those words were the driving force behind our success... words we have held on deep inside us, that carried us in times of need...
We had good times together at her place... 3 good friends around a piano... she would play for us and we would learn from her.
For years we studied under her, learning everything she can pass on to us. I have to admit... those were the happier moments in my life... spending time with Ms. Alison, and with my 2 best friends in the world. Raphael, Sandra and myself, Xajin... the piano was our life and playing it was our bliss
Raphael was a genius in music, he was no stranger to the piano... he could play a tune perfectly in a few short hours. He has a knack for the classics, just like Ms. Alison. He was like the Mozart of the century.
Ms Alison loves the way he plays and considers him one of her best pupils... I just thought that guy was just a teacher's pet. Raphael and I would compete every concert. Who could get the loudest applause or who played the better piece.
We were rivals... and best friends. Our playing styles differ greatly... his playing style is a lil old fashion for my taste where as I play my tunes faster and with a greater beat. No wonder they call us the sun and the moon... so close yet so far
And then... There is Sandra. Whenever she plays... time stops... it's as if Father Time himself stopped to hear her play. With every note she plays, every melody... it's as if the world was at peace. Her fingers were a gift from the heavens... strong-willed and gorgeous.
Raphael and I would stay by her side when she played... we would close our eyes, take in every note... she would smile at us, and we would smile back at her.
She has no idea about it, but I was secretly having feelings for her and so was Raphael. Another reason why we were rivals... but... I know deep down, in her heart... she only has feelings for Raphael.
I get jealous every time I see them together... It's as if my heart was going to rip out from my chest. The sparks those 2 emit... it was too much for me. I could feel her slipping away further away from me... At least, I must let her know how I feel for her... before it's too late. I held onto my feelings long enough... It was time
Xajin: Hey Sandy.. Sorry for calling you all of a sudden. Where's Raph Sandra: He's with Ms. Alison in the piano room finished the compilations on the next concert. Nervous? Xajin: Are you kidding... I'll do better than Raph this time. Anyway, I wanted to ask you something. Sandra: You don't have to say anything...
Wait... what does she mean? Is something going on...
Sandra: I know what you want to say Xajin Xajin: Excuse me?
She knows what? I don't get it...
Sandra: I'm sure you have noticed by now... I have been acting closer to Raphael.
Xajin: Well... It's hard to miss that, but.. Sandra: Xajin... I love him. I know you would have noticed by now...
Fate sure has a dumb way of playing with the hearts of man...
At that very moment... after she said those words...Raphaelwas standing by the door... stoned... He could not believe what he had heard. Sandra's face turned flushed red... she tried to hide the embarrassment that had struck her.
Raphael: Sandra...
Sandra: No... no... you didn't hear anything. I said nothing... lalala Raphael: Sandy... is it true? What you just said...
She only nodded... Raphael moved in closer and took her in his arms...
Xajin: Congratz Raph... You won again...
Yup... fate sure knows how to play tricks on the unexpected. I sat there... still for a moment. Time stopped... just like how it always would stop when Sandra plays on the piano... But this time... I was not smiling...I walked off. That's it for me...
Days passed... and I never showed up back to that class... I told Ms Alison that I would not be showing up and told her I was going to leave the class... She kept persuading me to stay in the class... but I had made up my mind... I told her what i had to tell her and passed her a letter, told her what to do with it and left for the day...
Soon... it was time for the concert... Ms Alison loves to hold concerts at her house and she would invite everyone to the show...
She started off the performance with tunes from Bach and Brahms. After her piece... she stood up and greeted the crowd.
Alison: Good evening everyone. Thank you once again for joining us. Unfortunately, only two of my students will be playing for you tonight. Nevertheless, we have a great show lined up for all of you... please sit back and enjoy the night.
The crowd mumbled to themselves.. wondering what has happened, but the mumble soon turned to applause as Raphael stood on stage.
As always he mesmerized the crowd with his playing... leaving everyone in awe
And soon... it was her turn. If Raphael left them mesmerized... she left them hypnotized, not only by her music, but by her beauty as well. Her fingers slowly ran across the keys with grace. The sound of her tune echoed throughout the halls... everyone sat still... eyes closed... all in tuned with her key strokes.
When she pressed the final key... everyone opened their eyes. Some stood up applauding... some were tearing up to the piece she played... Yet again... another successful performance... Ms. Alison could be seen smiling from the back.
Sandra got off from the piano chair... as she got down... that was my signal
Xajin: Hey everyone... I hoped you enjoyed the show, Raph and Sandy were great... but it's not over yet... It's my turn to play...
I could see the puzzled look on the crowds face. I turned to Raph and Sandy... and I just smiled at them
Xajin: Tonight... will be the last time I will be performing in front of all of you... and I will playing a piece I wrote and I would love to dedicate this final piece to my two friends... Raphael and Sandra... Ladies and Gentleman, A tune for thesoul... A song foryou... Play a Melodythat warms the world..... here's A Piece of Love.
I could feel it... with every note... this was my time... eyes on me... hearts beating as one... that 10 minutes felt like an eternity to me... I could go on playing forever.
I stood up after the piece... bowed... and left... I could hear Raphael and Sandra's footsteps as they tried to follow me, but their attempt was cut short by Ms. Alison.
Alison: Don't follow him... Please... Raphael: But miss... Alison: No buts... here's a letter from him... read it
A tear rolled down her cheek. Raphael took the letter and began reading it with Sandra:
(click to enlarge the letter)
He folded the letter... kept it... and turned to Sandra. She took him by the hand, a tear slowly rolled down her cheek. He looked at her and brushed the tear off her eye...
Raphael: He'll come back...
Sandra: I know... He always does
... and that's the end of this story...
-End-
Well... another story done (3 days writing) with the latest photo shoot... sorry if this one is not that well written and filled with too many emotions. I was happy when I started, emo-ing when I wrote the middle and was neutral when I was editing it.... haha...
I will be uploading the other pics from the photo shoot next time. Till then
Oh well... please comment and give your thoughts... thanks as always
-Jian-
PS: This story is dedicated to Sandra, Feli (Raphael) and Alison
After last night's incident, my camwhoring and picture taking days will be placed on hold for a while.
What happened last night was just a test and a lesson... Belle, James, Wesley and myself went out for dinner after coming back from Mage Cafe and well, we were hungry after getting stuck in a jam dropping Esther off back home.
So the guys left the bag in the car and we went to chow down.. and when we got back.... my friend's car got busted in and our stuff were all gone.... damn those lifeless morons
We lost a lot of stuff on that day:
Wesley lost his whole stack of Magic cards which cost him around RM500 (hope you idiots know the value of those things)
James lost his accounting calculator (if they can work one that is) and his college notes (hope they can read too, maybe they'll learn something) and not to mention the car was his mom's
I lost my precious camera (hope you idiots like looking at camwhore pictures by a guy)
Belle took her bag along... *phew* (this also proves girls aree smarter than guys)
Well... at least none of us were hurt...
I'm not expecting to get our stuff back... cause I doubt the cops will do anything (proves how much help they are)
Anyway... This Blog will be lacking pics a while...
It's been a heck of a week in College or should I say Uni. The 1st week of my second sem is at an end and I already have assignments to deal with. This semester, my subjects are Persuasion in the Media and Intro to Design. Both are fun classes and I get to share them with my 3 so to say "girl-friends". The classes are fun, but the work load is killer. Not that it's such a bad thing, at least it keeps my mind busy.
I hate these lonely nights when I am not in the mood for my work... My mind wanders off into another medium. Do I have problems?
I won't say they are problems.... just ordeals I have to deal with in order to move forward. I have to press on in order to survive. However the outcome may be, I'm ready to face it. I'm prepared for whatever that comes in my way. That's my resolve...
Looking back at the times gone wrong...
I wonder to myself why I strayed along It hurts so much to be in this pain Yet this sweet temptation has gotten to me again...
-Jian-
Something to keep me up =]
Friday, May 8, 2009
I know I've been writing a lot of poems and I know some people are getting bored of it, but really... the poems I write reflect how I am feeling and how my life is turning out to. It's a ambiguous way for me to express myself and this is how I feel now....
I have loved...
I have love lost
I have had my heart broken into several pieces
Where we stand now,
hope seems so dim
What will happen next
has fallen into the deep abyss
We were one
But now we are none...
Things will turn out well...
That's yet to be known
I'm getting hooked on one song now... The lyrics really grabbed me and it's the perfect song to accompany me now...
Last Song (Unplugged Version) by Gackt It's an old song that I dug up from my play list Lyrics included
I really hate the semester breaks... I'm always stuck here with nothing to do. The person I want to go out with is either busy or tired and I feel guilty if I disturb anyone
Being bored makes me think more and more till I eventually get a headache. *Getting one now thanks to a monkey singing (badly) next to me*
What's on my mind as of now (besides being bored)?
It's my Garden of Dreams... I'm mapping put that place in my head; from every tree to every living creature that lives there.
The sun shines over the luscious land of green. Every inch of land is covered with the green grass and trees. A small hill covered in grass would be the place I would have my back against the grass, with my eyes to the heavens watching the clouds pass by. On top of that hill would be a fruit tree that would bear any fruit that I wish to eat and the fruit would grow every time I get hungry.
Where the land ends will be a body of water. Multiple lakes and streams that join together that surrounds the Garden and traps it from the outside world. The lakes would be filled with life, a perfect place for a swim. The stream would flow in an endless cycle with a waterfall n the middle.
Life would be everywhere in this Garden... The sound of the birds and the buzzing of the bees would be the sound that covers the Garden. Every life will live in harmony... No fights, No disputes... Just understanding and compromise.
Most importantly, this Garden will be a place for me to clear my thoughts, to share my feelings and just to talk with the people who are important to me... a place who only I can enter and allow whoever I want in... a place for me and you.
But as the name states, It's just a Garden of Dreams.
-Jian-
ゆすけ
Mirror Ball by Alice Nine
In my memory Lies a place of smiles With green grass and blue skies Stretching over the hills and to the heavens A place just for me Called the Garden of Dreams
I just need some place to vent my thoughts and this place is one of my options... I just have a lot of things on my mind lately and I know some people say I should not think so much, but I can't help it.
These thoughts and plans and wonders just come into my head with prior notice and I can't control it... If I don't think about it, I won't be able to function. Yea... I hate it when that happens cause I tend to annoy lots of people with my thoughts.
Sometimes I wonder what am I here for, questions of life just fill my head and I wonder what can I do. Being here, just living... I know what I want in life, but I never gotten a step into how I want to achieve it... and it drags me down...
I also wonder how much do I mean to someone, it's just some random thought I tend to think about. Call me stupid, call me self-conscious, whatever... I'm just being the person I know best. This is just one of those thought that keep haunting me...
Am I the person who I think I am, or am I hiding my true self from my own just so I can run away from finding the truth about myself?
Besides... these are all just random thinking here... I love my life at this point and I know some people do care for me, I wanna hold them dear to my heart and do what I can to live... For those who spent time reading... I thank thee.
For those who skipped this... I'm not angry, this are just my thoughts... reading it or not will not change anything
A reflection of the heart
The blood that runs deep
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